i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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