She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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