I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
