ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
