new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
