So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
