Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
