Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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