Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
