Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
