GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
