Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
