how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
