I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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