I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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