It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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