ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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