he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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