He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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