I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
