My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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