When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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