Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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