do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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