: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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