You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
