just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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