You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
