Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
