Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
zippers are such a cool invention
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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