i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
