I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
