OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
