Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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