He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
