I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
