I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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