Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
