I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
