I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
