it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
