Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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