tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
