this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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