so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
