I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
