she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
