Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
