I smell stomach acid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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