So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
