Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
