somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
