Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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