Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
