just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
